


The Not Loki Story

by MysticMedusa



Series: 5+1 [10]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Minor Tony Stark/Stephan Strange, Reincarnation, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 21:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12734388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMedusa/pseuds/MysticMedusa
Summary: Loki was killed by the warriors three and replaced with a cloneAKA Thor tries to find his reincarnated brotherAKA the Crack Story version of Ignorance's Sin





	The Not Loki Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrincessLena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessLena/gifts).



Thor stood with the warriors three, Lady Sif, and his parents as his chained brother was brought before the throne for judgment. A confused looking Loki looked to the warriors and asked what his orders were. It was Frigga who realized this was not their Loki. Had not been their Loki for a thousand years. Odin demanded the warrior’s execution for replacing his son with a copy created by the dwarves to hide the fact they were responsible for the real Loki’s death. Thor was so angry he summoned his hammer’s lightening and fried the warriors.(it smelled like overcooked bacon and now Thor was hungry, just more reasons to be angry). He wondered if this was some way the Norns were acting cruelly towards him because of that one time he’d picked up Loki as children and threw him on the ground demanding another(to be fair Thor liked being a big brother and he wanted more younger siblings, Frigga and Odin hadn’t been amused and told him that’s not how he got more siblings. He’d been confused, it worked with drinks)

One of the Norns had arrived telling him no they weren’t being cruel to him because of that (though she did admit it had been funny as hell, the Norns were weird). She told them Loki had been reborn as a mortal in Midgard. Frigga had fainted, Odin cursed (you know because mortals are weak and there’s so many of them and it’ll take forever to find the one that was Loki), and Thor grabbed his hammer and flew through the wall of the throne room to go find his brother. Of course he missed Odin glaring menacingly because now there was now a hole in his wall and missed the Norns telling the king that only Loki could stop Thanos who was coming.

So Thor went to Midgard to find his brother turned mortal, what was the worst that could happen.

 

~

 

1 Steve

 

Thor watched his comrades closely believing that perhaps his brother was closer than he thought. The captain was an amazing tactician and it showed in battle as he led their forces to victory. Thor decided that Steve might be his brother returned from the dead. The moment their battle ended he picked up the captain and flung him over his shoulder. He ignored the protests as he lifted his hammer and took them to Asgard. Steve was still struggling and protested when Thor entered the throne room and held up Steve like one would a puppy. The super soldier’s feet weren’t even touching the floor as Thor held him by his armpits to present to his father.

“I have found Loki.”

“Thor I’m not Loki, I’m Steve!” Steve protested trying to escape but it was useless.

Odin shook his head and before he could say that Steve wasn’t Loki Thor had already seen Odin knew the truth and threw Steve away easily as though he weighed nothing.

“Fear not father, I shall not fail again.”

Thor took off again, left another hole in the newly repaired wall, and forever left a mark in Asgard in the form of Steve’s body embedded in the far wall. It took the guards two hours to remove the super soldier long forgotten by the determined thunder god. The only good thing about the entire situation was that Steve got a short vacation from avenging because his entire body was nearly broken by the god. Of course when he returned to Midgard he threw Thor out the window. The stupid god and his hammer could fly. Tony video tapped the entire thing (for entertainment purposes, totally not for blackmail. That would just be cruel and far too mischievous for the genius inventor).

 

~

 

2 Clint

 

Thor had failed the first time but he would not this time. He noticed the hawk playing a prank on Bruce. Such a trick could be dangerous with Bruce’s other self being the giant green rage monster. He did not see the prank play out as he captured the hawk that squawked much like a bird and took him to Asgard. Again the Allfather shook his head, this time Thor threw his guess out the window.

Clint squawked again and was picked up by a giant hawk(because apparently Asgard has giant hawks, don’t you dare judge them or make a reference to Lord of the Rings) No one saw Clint for months after that. The hawks had taken him in as one of his own and he was grinning like an idiot as he decided to nest as much as he wanted.

Of course no one knew how Clint got back, not even Clint himself. All he knew was one moment he was falling asleep comfortable in the giant hawk’s nest the next he woke up in his own bed. Of course no one connected the event to the massive amount of meat in the fridge. Everyone questioned what it was, Tony said it was chicken. Natasha didn’t think it was chicken, Thor said it reminded him of the wild hawks they hunted in Asgard, and strangely enough after that comment Clint became a vegetarian.

 

~

 

3 Spiderman

 

They were on a mission when Thor found his next guess. Spiderman had been in the area so he’d helped them take down doom. Thor stared in awe at the seemingly weak mortal that moved in a way that reminded him the elves and was much stronger than his appearance suggested. Loki had loved to love to move as the elves did and was much stronger than he appeared. Thor kidnapped a fifteen year old that day.

Upon seeing Odin shake his head Thor threw aside the child only for said child to attach himself to Thor as the thunder god returned to Midgard. Unbeknownst to the others of his team Tony sweet talked Aunt May while Peter aka Spiderman was missing. He used the excuse that Peter was interning with him and that he would be occupied for a few days.

Three days later Peter was dropped off at home by none other than Tony Stark himself with the promise of an actual internship and an explanation of why Thor had kidnapped him. Peter was too excited and thankful to Tony for covering his ass when he went missing while out being Spiderman to question any of it.

 

~

 

4 Strange

 

They were fighting Amora when Strange arrived ready to help. They had just finished getting her cuffs when Thor grabbed Strange and called for Heimdal. This had become such a normal event that no one even blinked. Strange however was trained in the mystical arts and decided he wasn’t going. Thor vanished and Strange appeared next to Tony who called them facial hair bros.

The next three weeks were a cat and mouse game as Thor kept attempting to grab Strange and take him to Asgard. Tony video tapped the entire chase and let Dum-E be helpful(well as helpful as a bot named Dum-E can be which means throwing poisoned smoothies and letting loose with a fire extinguisher on a certain Norse god.)

Strange finally gave in and let Thor take him to Asgard. When Thor attempted to throw him Strange opened two portals, one for him and one for Thor. Strange ended up back at the tower accepting Tony’s offer for dinner and Thor spent the next two days in the mirror dimension.

 

~

 

5 Deadpool

 

Everyone had placed bets on what would happen when they had encountered Deadpool and Thor proceeded to take the insane and chaotic mec to Asgard. Tony placed his bet for Odin not being able to get rid of him and body parts becoming a normal thing to see in the golden realm. Clint and Steve had Odin telling Thor to stop bringing mortals to Asgard, Natasha bet Deadpool would be returned in pieces, Bruce decided not to take that bet, and of course when Strange arrived as though magically knowing about the bet he agreed with Tony.

Thor turned again without the one he decided to take with him. A month later Thor had gone back to Asgard and returned seeking the avengers help to get rid of Deadpool. The mec had been apparently causing problems, pranking Odin, and was leaving severed body parts everywhere. Tony and Strange fist bumped when they won their bet, they never did manage to find Deadpool to return him. Of course the man was unpredictable and ended returning to their world without any evidence of how. He still visited Asgard to bug Odin.

 

~

 

+1 Tony

 

So Thanos was apparently a thing. The avengers were fighting the giant purple alien that was only one infinity stone away from ruling the entire universe. Steve was throwing his shield, Thor striking with his thunder, Clint and Natasha shooting him, Hulk trying to smash (and failing which had the green giant nearly in tears), and Tony was firing blasts, ramming into him, and taunting the alien. Finally Thanos had enough as he finally got the time stone from around Strange’s neck. The mad titan cackled like an idiot thinking he’d won as he raised the infinity gauntlet. Nothing happened much to the irritation of Thanos and confusion of most of the avengers (key word most.)

“What has happened? I should have destroyed you all with the stones at my command.”

Tony’s helmet retracted into his armor as he held up his gauntleted hands to reveal the stones he’d stolen one by one when he’d rammed into Thanos.

“You mean these stones?” He asked a mischievous grin on his face.

Thanos was purple but he still somehow managed to turn red in the face. It was hilarious.

“You cannot do anything without the infinity gauntlet.” He taunted which had Tony’s smirk turn into a delightful grin.

“Oh about that.”

Strange appeared at his side and summoned a second gauntlet.

“Yours is a fake. I stole the real one, gave you the fake one from Asgard’s vault. You know, I happened to be in the area at the time and thought why not steal from daddy dearest.”

He was putting the stones into the gauntlet as he said this.

“You’re mortal, you can’t use the gauntlet.” Thanos tried instead.

“Mortal? Maybe. Or maybe I’ve been up to a bit of mischief and decided why just mess with my brother when I can mess with beings across all realms? So time to say goodbye Thanos, you picked the wrong planet to mess with.”

Thanos tried to launch himself at Tony but the titan vanished as the gauntlet and the stones within were used. With him gone Tony returned the time stone to Strange.

“Well that was fun, want to go pick up Deadpool and prank Odin? Maybe Wade will lose two limbs this time before he escapes Odin’s wrath.”

Strange was smiling as he brought Wade to their side.

“Man of iron, you are my brother?” Thor asked hopeful.

“It’s pretty obvious big guy, how you didn’t guess before is beyond me. Anyways we’re going to go piss of Odin and visit mother.”

Thor frowned.

“Mother knows?”

“Of course, when I told her I wanted to annoy Odin with your pointless guesses she was all for helping me. Even Heimdal decided not to tell you I helped Wade travel to and from Asgard or that I picked up Clint when he was living with a hawk. By the way Clint I have so much blackmail material, you have no idea. But I’m not evil, so I just gave it all to Natasha to use.”

“That’s pure evil!” Clint exclaimed while Natasha just smiled which promised nothing good.

“Well it’s already done nothing I can do now. Let’s go have fun.” He said grabbing both Strange and Wade.

To everyone’s surprise Steve and Hulk both pulled out money and gave it to Natasha. Apparently even Hulk had taken guesses about who was the god of mischief, lies, chaos, and fire. Clint sighed realizing he should have guessed, you’d think it would be obvious with how often the genius blew up his lab and somehow survived every time. Thor wasn’t even angry, just said his brother had always been known for mischief and this wasn’t anything new.


End file.
